In reply to Brian Fahs.

Yeah, I think you're right in a lot of ways. But if you say they can improve their lives they just aren't TRYING, that's also not quite the case. This is a frustration we've lived with for two years. There are so many things that make them feel out of control. Women can't decide anything because their cultural/social beliefs determine that it be so. They've been taught it's their husband's job, so they defer to his judgement. Half the population is taught to be helpless right there. The men have no education, no experience in the world outside of agricultural work, but they have to feel like The Decider. They've been given no tools to help them make good choices, but they're stuck in that role anyway. You provide them with two options 1 that requires some extra work on their part and which they have never seen a visible benefit for doing the work or 2 things staying just as they are. They don't have time or resources to "waste" with uncertainty. Or at least that seems to be their opinion. Then, if things turn sour, it's just the will of God that things turned out like they did.
It's a learned helplessness that is so much a part of their lives its became a very real handicap. I think your rephrasing is a little more accurate. Maybe it just speaks of how long we've been here that neither Jim nor I spotted it. We don't view the problem as a belief, we view it as they do--a real handicap. We experience it now as a very real handicap. The idea of a mindset, making something happen because you believe you can, is so VERY American that it's frightening. Perhaps it's one of the greatest gifts we're given as Americans, that we can make our lives what we want them to be just by trying. But then that too has it's extremes, doesnt' always turn out to be true, and doesn't permeate all sectors of American society either. It's a pretty powerful idea nonetheless.
I think part of our job is just to introduce them to the idea. We tell them all the time we don't have children because we're waiting until it's a good time. How do we do it? Then we talk to them about family planning. We tell them why we don't drink a lot when they ask. Part of our job, part of the cultural exchange, is to learn where they're coming from and show them where we're coming from. It's the hardest, slowest process I've ever had to deal with. Getting ready to leave here I often feel like I still don't know anything at all about these folks. In some ways they're just as alien to me as the day we arrived.
Anyway, the distinction you made is important, so thank you. Obviously it can be turned into a very long philosophical discussion. Perhaps we can continue it over iced margaritas while grilling on your backporch sometime in August? :) Hope everyone at the Fahs house is doing well.